judge people by their names. this is an especially useful practice when selecting dates, spouses and friends. try to avoid anyone who falls into any of the following categories:
1. anyone whose name can be made into a childhood rhyme
- for instance, i once dated an anthony; tony balogna. need i say more?
2. anyone whose name--first or last--is hard to pronounce or just plain weird
- inevitably, these are the boys who think their offspring should share their same fate (an ex of mine with an unusual name now has a nephew named after him; i would feel awful for this little boy if it weren't for the fact that said ex's own son bears an even worse fate. i would share these doozies, but i'm afraid this bloggy would fall into the wrong hands, and i just can't have that now, can i?)
3. anyone who has ever been given a superlative, such as "best looking guy on the football team"
- i know this doesn't necessarily follow the "what's in a name" theory, but it is still applicable, as these boys usually have manwhore names: luke (luke puke, a la #1), adam, brandon, justin, mike, brad etc. this is a sign to steer clear of these punks.
4. anyone whose name has more vowels than consonants, and vice versa
- um, this should probably go under numero 2. m'bad. although bob ctvrtlik was quite the looker in his days.
5., 6. & 7. anyone who has a plain-jane, unisex & snooty magoo name (these all go together, wait and see)
- jeff, doug, mark, steve, frank, bruce...these are all names that are borrring. they are also very popular in the world of gay men. gay name = gay man. it's. that. easy. aaand...
- pat (obviously), terry (obviously), jan (also bobby c's middle name, sad), kelly, casey, ashley, whitney, preston, sterling, stacy, morgan...oops! how'd that get in there? these names typically belong to men of ambiguous sexual origin or men of extreme affluence. either way...
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