white diamonds and dirty feet

that, my friends, is what wynnsong theatre smells of. every time we go there, it stinks of something familiar and unpleasant. tonight was no different. the theatre we were in for "dan in real life" was filled with old women and hot buttery popcorn; hence the 'white diamonds and dirty feet' title. (no offense, grandma connie, heaven rest your soul.) honestly though. i gagged more than a few times. and why are the aisles in that theatre about as wide as a 12yr old boy's hips? i always put my feets up over the seat in front of me to discourage anyone (esp those old ladies and popcorn eaters) from sitting there. it worked tonight; unlike most nights when people look at you like you've just punched a baby* instead of slung your feet over a measly movie seat. much to my chagrin, i usually just return the stink-face and move my feet. that's why i just buy movies at target and snuggle on my couch with my hubs. buuut...
we didn't want to stay home tonight. it being halloween and us living where we live (on one of the most highly trafficked streets in all of bustling provo) made us think twice about doling out candy to trick-or-treaters. and this is why: i didn't want to have to turn any child away from my door because his/her parents didn't love them enough to buy/make them an actual costume. (we've got too much trash in our neighborhood and knew we'd get caught with the all-too-popular torn shirt with fake blood and freddy krueger mask i-made-it-myself costumes.) if you're out soliciting the local townsfolk for treats, you better be dressed as something i can identify and think is cute or creative. otherwise, get the heck off my porch. and if i'm going to spend $30-$40 on candy, it's going to be for me; not some sugar-starved neighborkid.

*thanks again to mor for providing such to-the-point expressions

what's my motivation?

it could be the five monstrous loads of laundry i need to do today if i want to have pants to wear to work tomorrow
or the sinkful of dishes that won't fit into the overloaded (portable) dishwasher
or the dead honda sitting in the driveway (maybe i forgot to turn off the lights the other day and the hon still hasn't recovered)
or the dog who smells so bad i want to lock her in her kennel until her haircut later this week
or the thawed boneless skinless chicken breasts awaiting their fate (should i do baked? or have mor grill? i just don't know.)
or the hallway of death that still needs stripped of paint and wallpaper and then primed and painted
or that of course the colts game can't possibly be televised today (and last i checked they were behind. what?!)
or that my hubs doesn't get home from work for another 2hrs (at the earliest)
but mostly i think it's the bag of mexican wedding cookies that mor bought yesterday at the provo bakery...yummm


who doesn't love these powdered sugared little gems?

oh visiting TEAchers

this is for/about you...
- don't call me before 10a on a saturday to ask if "next week sometime" would work to go visiting teaching
- don't call me after 9p any day of the week, ever
* esp not to ask if i can come early to church when church starts before 10a
- don't stop by my house, unannounced, just to say "hi" (we're most likely not friends and definitely don't hang out, so...)
- don't wait to schedule your home/visiting teaching appts at the last minute and expect me to drop everything to keep you at 100% (i graduated school a while ago and no longer care about %s)
- don't think i'm inactive if i don't make it to church one sunday
- don't send the elders quorum/relief society presidency to my house because i didn't make it to church one sunday (it was probably the one sunday a month that mor has to work and i simply refuse to be subjected to sitting alone in a pew while the couple in front of me practically make out during fast and testimony mtg)
- don't expect me to participate in ward activities (i'm here because my hubs is still in school, not to make friends)
* unless food is involved
- don't expect me to participate in relief society activities
* even if food is involved
- don't try to make me feel bad for staying home when the colts are televised (it happens maybe twice a season that their games are broadcast in utah, i will make the most of it)
(i'm sure there are more to add to this list, but david bromstad is about to reveal his new color splash room design)
...in the name of my sanity, amen

man down

mor is sick. and dirty. he fell asleep yesterday (not last night) at about 7:30p. that means it wasn't even half-time of the colts game. and i'm pretty sure he hasn't showered in about 3 days. no, maybe 4. more like 4. he basically didn't get off the couch for a full 18hrs. (nothing like the 3DAYS he spent on the couch last year. there is still an indentation on the chaise.) he was out of commission all day until he thought it a good idea to donate plasma. wha? he wanted to keep it from me (a) because he knows i disagree with it and (b) because he wants to get me an ipod for christmas. how sweet is he? passing out and giving the gift of plasma all in the name of love. (most of me believes this is the real reason; the other third of me thinks he's just tired of sharing his ipod.) plasma whore.
are tegan and sara the new indigo girls? the new lesbian princesses of rock?
the good dr has decided to go heliskiing next march. (that means a week off for me.) and to israel in may. (that means another week off for me.) and hopefully to hawaii in august. (that means two whole weeks off for me.) i am excite. vair vair excite.
off to borders. because that's what i do.

rack em up

way to go, horse. that's 6 in the win column. oh and, freeney, that sack for a safety? brilliant. or should i say "good on you, mate," as russell crowe put it. (you know he was cheering for the colts. i mean, the only people who cheer for the jags are jacksonville-sonianites. the colts' popularity extends round the globe, minus baltimore md. why are you still bitter, anyway? you have the ravens now and the scariest man in football history: ray lewis. unlike oj, though, he didn't do it. honest.) pish posh. love the white and blue!

(yes, i know this is a bit preemptive, but we all know the jags aren't coming back from 22 down with 2:20 left in the fourth. that would just be miraculous. and in order to pull off a stunt like that, the jags would need a crazy qb. like peyton. sorry, third-stringer. ain't gonna happen.)

hairtastic

the following are pictures of hair i wish i had...

sjp: no matter what color, no matter what length, my jealousy holds true. (wouldn't mind trading her boobs either.)


kate beckinsale: wavy and otherwise


jennifer aniston: this hair...


not this hair...


detective benson: or even her pixie cut


and finally...

wait a sec. how'd that get on here? (isn't he cute though?)

okay, since that one managed to sneak on here, i figures i'd throw this one on too:


guess i'll just stick with what i got: straight and brown.

and boring.

too emotionally invested

the following is a list of tv shows (most reality) that i find myself getting too worked up over, as i realized last night when i practically yelled at new york for keeping it but not yours. (watch the show, figure it out.)
- i love new york 2
- the hills
- meerkat manor (i joke, but really the show is extremely interesting)
- the office (allowed and therefore excused from this list)
- newport harbor (aka laguna beach jr)
- iron chef and the next iron chef
- the dog whisperer (cesar almost makes me tear up with his spanish-accented lessons each episode)
and mor thinks i should distinguish between those tv shows with which i am obsessed but not necessarily in which i am invested, such as:
- matlock
- murder, she wrote
- law & order (the original, svu and ci; never got into the real-life version)
- friends
- ugly betty
- most of the aforementioned list
now, i would like to take the opportunity to make a list for mor of his invested in-obsessed with shows:
- dirty jobs (we both have crushes on mike rowe)
- myth busters (although not so much anymore, thank goodnes)
- i love new york 2
- the office
- survivorman
- man vs wild (much like the previous, but not as cool; sorry, bear)
- lockdown and other prison-related shows
- the new national geographic show called taboo (last week's episode was on weird pet owners; i regret to inform you that we will NOT be taxidermy-ing penny when she dies, unlike some woman in detroit who stuffed her golden retriever)
- last one standing (another ng gem, from which mor is now taking capoiera lessons)
- deadliest catch (that mike rowe as commentator, he's everywhere)
- animal precinct
hmm...interesting how mor's list seems just as long, if not longer than my lists. vair vair interesting.

*mor has just informed me that last one standing is a discovery gem. sorry, ng, for giving you false credit. i get all of you real reality channels confused.

rip flower

yes, friends. it is a very sad day in the hawley house. i have just been notified (via sean astin on this latest "meerkat manor" episode and animalplanet.com) that flower died. what?! i know, i know. you're devastated too. she was bitten by a cape cobra back at the end of september and couldn't fight off the venom. stupid snakes. only good for biting and killing innocent little meerkats. and eating village people's children. and keeping the bird populations around the world in check. (the only thing i hate worse than snakes are birds.) anyway. how sad i was to hear this. and then, on top of that, to find out that rocketdog was taking over. rocketdog? really whiskers clan? scraping the bottom of the barrel for a new dominant female, aren't we? where's shakespeare? i miss that girl. getting off track...i miss flower. she was amazing. what other word could you use for a meerwoman who was dominant female for 4 of her 6 years, while having over 60 offspring with who knows how many meermen? uh-maze-ing.

fairly tale

mor and i just got home from our day off. it was nice. we both had to work this morning but had the afternoon to ourselves. (much to the chagrin of some coworkers.) we had rio for lunch (i do NOT recommend the fideo) and piddled around provo and orem for a while. eventually we ended up at borders, the default stop when we have no real plans. i picked up a couple little books. one illustrated by one of my favorite book illustrators: david small. (he illustrates most of his wife's books: the gardner, the friend, and the library, as well as the christmas crocodile and once upon a banana, and he wrote and illustrated imogene's antlers.) today's purchase was when dinosaurs came with everything. the story is really cute, but i absolutely love how small illustrates it. the other one i got was one of the neverland series books: cave of the dark wind by dave barry (yes, THE dave barry) and ridley pearson. they write the new peter pan series (chapter books) and these little shorter story series to go along with those, called the neverland stories. anyway. long story longer...i had to drag mor away from the nudey mags (i did catch him with a pile topped off with w and questioned his femininity masculinity) and off we went. down to wynnsong to catch "sydney white." (if you didn't pick up on it from the title of today's post, the movie is supposed to be a modern-day snow white, complete with the seven dorks.) if i haven't mentioned before, amanda bynes is my girl crush. (big dave's man crush is dennis franz of "nypd blue" fame. i still love you, dad.) i see EVERY film she's in. (yes, even "she's the man.") it was really funny though. mor will vouch for me. laugh out loud funny. go see it, and you will know why i love her. girls, because you'll want her to be your best friend. and guys, because she's stacked. mor will vouch for me on that too.

ode to penelope

this sort of actual thing happens all too often to our poor penny. so glad my manager found a picture that means i don't have to use the word m'self. (and i will not field questions if you don't know what this means. go find a teenage boy.)

mcdonald's monopoly

as i drove by the mcd's on my way home from work today, i took a particular interest in the big golden arches' sign: monopoly back. which made me wonder...is the (a) monopoly of verbs what is back? or is it just the (b) monopoly of the word "is"? or is it the (c) monopoly of the letters "i" and "s"? or was (d) the 16yr old pimple-prone employee too lazy to hang up anything more than absolutely necessary for people to understand the sign's true message? i'll leave this one up to you, america, but my vote is for the latter (d). it also doesn't help that all the employees at this certain mcd's are either spanish-speaking illegals who are disinterested in verbs or undereducated provo high sophomores who don't participate in extracurricular activities, such as reading.

12 oct update: mcdonald's has reassigned the pimpled teen. the sign now reads "monopoly is back." hallelujah.

jus-mor-tin timber-hawley-lake

the last few days, mor has found a way to incorporate jt's lyrics into our everyday conversations. i knew i loved jt before, but having my hubs serenade me with his songs makes me realize just how much i love him. mor, not jt. i'm having a hard time remembering which one i'm actually married to and which one is bonin' jessica beal. and then sometimes i pretend that I'M jessica beal, so i suppose it doesn't really matter which is which and who is who.

as you can see, he...



is easily confused with him...