buried

i really just want to put something else up on ye olde bloggy so you (ahem, i) don't have to look at it everytime you (AHEM i) open up safari. i mean, how depressing to read someone else's depressing news. am i right? of course i'm right. esp when so many of my friends are announcing their happy pregnancy news. makes me look (and feel) like a jerk. i would never begrudge anyone's happiness even when going through my own trials. their happiness is just as much my happiness because i am sincerely and completely happy for them. not to mention the cute babes that are born to these dear friends.
in other news, we took finn to the dentist yesterday and let's just say it could have gone worse. if lightning had struck us on the way to the car afterwards. he was terrible. he screamed and cried while the dental asst brushed his teeth; he screamed and cried and thrashed while the dental assts took his xrays; and he screamed and cried and thrashed and gagged while dr howell counted his teeth. it was pretty much just awesome. dr h considered the visit a success though because...NO cavities! although he does have a chipped front incisor and an extended upper frenulum. those are beside the point. our little boy who has not liked brushing his teeth and who has liked eating his candies and drinking his chocky milk has no cavities. wahoo! proof we are doing something correctly as parents. allow me a quick pat on the back before i have to go put some scoobs on my bottomless child and he decides to make a peep on my carpet. peace!

now commencing my pity party, everyone's invited.

(just so you don't get the wrong idea, this isn't something i want to talk about. just ask mor. however, this is something i need to get out. this means i won't be taking sympathy calls or texts. because this ISN'T something i want to TALK about.)
hey guess what...i'm NOT pregnant. (don't you love the tone of this pity party so far? i know, right. you're SOOO happy you stopped by. i won't blame you if you don't stick around. i'd get the frick outta here if i could.) now, in some instances, this would be great news; in MY particular case : NOT great news. allow me to clarify (is that necessary? maybe for a couple of you? okay) : i would like to be pregnant. and not just because i'm REALLY TIRED of people TELLING me it's time for another one. thank you for assuming that it's by choice. each time i hear that, my uterus shrivels up a tiny bit. (it's practically microscopic at this point. perhaps that's our problem!)
honestly though (have you doubted my honesty in this post?) i want to be pregnant. more than anything in the world i want to be pregnant. i want mor to be a daddy again. (he's a great daddy. have i said that before? he's fantastic.) i want to share finn with a little brother or sister. do you know what an amazing big brother he'll be? i do. a kind, gentle, loving big brother. it makes my heart hurt. it aches in its yearning for a new baby. a strong, healthy, beautiful new baby. to snuggle and hug and kiss and sing silly songs to and rock to sleep. to feel their sweet little breaths and touch their soft pink skin. to love immensely and immeasurably. i've asked for as much before. is it too much to ask for again?