question of the day #10

when is this stinkin' baby going to show up?
sheesh.

me vs the hon

i ventured to the library today to collect me some books. since doing anything besides sitting in the recliner or lounging on the couch is too much for me these days, my literary intake has increased dramatically. now, i'm a lover of books: i love the feel of them, the smell of them, the words and ideas encased in them. so, why is it that the last two times i've parked my little hon between the white lines at the library has she failed to start when the key is turned in the ignition? huh? why? i ask you. she just got a new battery not even three months ago; her oil is so fresh and so clean clean; her tank is full of holiday-flavored petrol; her interior spotless and smelling of spiced pumpkin. i. don't. get it. what does she possibly have against the library? i spend a tremendous more amount of time with her than with my beloved libros. you'd think she'd give me a break. but, no. being pregnant is no reason for her to not betray me. if anything, it gives her that much more satisfaction that i have to sit my fat arse in the front seat instead of just leaving her there and walking home. what a jerk you are, hon. i've given you the best years of my life and this is how you repay me? you better get your act together before this baby comes along.
or.
else.

button button

who's got my belly button? no, really. who took it? or better yet, who squished it so far out from its original starting position that it is now flush with the rest of my skin? oh yeah, baby h, that's who. this kid's got a sick sense of humor already. i would post a picture, but it grosses ME out too much to inflict such disgustingness on anyone else (except the hubs). you should thank me for that.
i went to see dr wasabi (not really, but his real name does rhyme with it) on tuesday. he said i'm a little further than last week and asked how my contractions were coming along. when i told him i wasn't really having any, he looked at me funny and told me i was having one right then. huh. never would have thought what my belly (or uterus rather) was doing was a contraction; just thought the kid wasn't satsified with his previous attempts at dislodging my belly button completely so he was just pushing harder. nope, wasabi tells me. everytime my belly feels like a rock, it is actually my uterus contracting. good thing nobody told me that's what contractions feel like. (thanks, sisters.) i guess because i haven't been doubled over in pain with them, i didn't pay them much attention. not that that time won't come; i'm just really REALLY not looking forward to it.



oh, did i mention that baby h will have a name when he decides to arrive? too bad you won't get to know what it is until then. ha!

raindrops on roses

1. archer farms low fat thick and creamy yogurt - mostly of the strawberry cheesecake and blackberry & creme varieties
2. really cold water - who knew i would ever count el agua as one of the bevs i crave most?
3. our new "county fair" jar glasses - bought specifically with oreos in mind: not too deep that the last of your milk is littered with soggy cookie crumbs, wide enough mouth for dunking
4. baby h's carseat and stroller - it's just sitting in the back room begging, nay pleading for a baby and a nice walk outside
5. the smell of my tulips - it wafts over to me when i sit and read in the recliners and makes me smile
5a. freshcut flowers
6. glass-bottled coke - with the caffiene, shut up
7. my van's checkerboard slip-ons - bought for a lesser-known holiday called "my birthday" by my delightful husband
8. clean laundry - i've no longer the ability to carry full baskets up and down the stairs, so i've had to rely on mor to help out (which he has done uncomplainingly)
8a. washed so-soft baby clothes
9. anne perry - and her british detective monk, who i imagine to be quite like poirot (mom? you with me?)
10. a good night of sleep - i remember you fondly and cannot wait to reacquaint myself with you

blame the hormones

my pregnant mind works in complete disorder.
(as evidenced in the previous post.)
i apologize on its behalf.

36 down, 4 to go

wow. really? baby h is going to be here in 4wks? am i ready for that? no. so, it's a VERY good thing i (should) have a month left. in honor of the momentous week 36, i bought myself these...

my dr's appt went well. as well as can be expected when you start those "exams." i talked to this lady right before walking into the office just to psych myself up for it (since she did just go through the same thing not long ago). give it to me straight, beeyatch, i tells her. and she did. on a scale of 1-10, she gave it a 9. i believe her exact words were "hated it." not that i went into my appt thinking how awesome the experience was going to be, but i did walk out thinking "meh, coulda been worse." (at least jones didn't ask me to "scoot to the end of the table." never has a worse question been asked. of anyone. except maybe "would you like to save 15% and apply for a gap card today?" hell yes i'd like to save 15%, but why can't you just give me the discount instead of make me apply for a credit card i'll just max out in a matter of minutes after approval? honestly.)
does american idol's anoop dogg remind anyone else of the indian kid from that one mtv show? the one about how his parents were practically forcing him to become a rocket scientist even though all he wanted to do was become a rapper? anyone remember that? no? yeah, me either. who watches those shows anyway?
there are about 14 turkey vultures that have taken up residence in a tree across the street. have you ever seen a turkey vulture? allow me...

not the most attractive creatures, eh? now imagine about 20 of them circling overhead as you take your fluffy puppy (aka fresh meat) out to potty for the umpteenth time today. scary. i mean, these things have the wingspan of yao ming and i'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to swoop down on penny and have her for an after-dinner snack. one word: menacing. and gross. and eww gross. (mor and i almost stopped last night when we saw a very confused-looking older couple standing in prime you're-going-to-get-pooped-on territory (ie directly underneath the turkey vultures' homebase), gazing upwards at the 27 birds perched on 4 very bendy branches to inform them that the monsters they watched in awe (or disgust) were simply vultures. der. didn't you know turkey vultures are indigenous to this area? for real, old people, didn't they teach you that in grammar school? sheesh.)
what was that? you want to know how our vegas trip went? it didn't. thanks for bringing it up again, jerks. i had to get sick friday night as we filled up the tank at the sev. all that packing and cleaning and loading penny up with treats for nothing. instead, we got up saturday and drove to the oph (original pancake house to all you rookie breakfasters), where we enjoyed the chile verde omelet and $5 bacon. sunday, we conferenced and took the fluffball for a walk. not the weekend of sunshine i was anticipating but not too shabby.
and now the strawberry fig newtons and anne perry's sins of the wolf are beckoning.
peace.