good deed

so today, after skipping out on sunday school in lieu of allergies and rumbling fasting tummies, mor and i continued on our path of unrighteousness and headed to the grocery for eggs and juice. on our way back, we noticed a pair of dogs ambling across center street. in the snow. no human/owner in sight. being the dog-loving people we are, we pulled over, hauled the dogs (pugs, yuck) into the back of the sube and drove them to our house, hoping their plastic tags held some clue as to where they belonged. well, no names, no address, no home phone number. only a call-in center where the operator connects you to the pet owner. lucky for us, the pugs lived only a few blocks away. we bundled up ourselves, found some of penny's old leashes and began our trek through the cold, wet snow. it was like those stinky pugs knew exactly where they were going, all the way up to the front door of their house. we rang the doorbell, knocked, waited. finally, a little girl with a broken arm opened the door just enough to the let in the dogs. a forced "thank you" came from the dad at the kitchen table and that was that. no real gratitude. no "we're so happy you found them." no nothin'. sheesh. all we were left with was a stink-filled car, eight cold feet and hands, two runny noses and a partridge in a pear tree.
moral of the story: if you ever see two squatty pugs wandering the streets in your neighborhood, leave them be; their owners care about them about as much as teenage boys care about showering.

to: you and yours

happy easter, my

from: me and mine

saving the world one word at a time

here's to all you naysayers (matty and erica) of my incomparable skill of housing too much upi (= useless pieces of information). my pretty little head houses more than just work phone and fax numbers, names of random i-think-i-met-you-one-time-ten-years-ago people and simple 3-step 3-ingredient recipes. it also is the mecca of random vocab and fact. i have now found the best thing since sliced bread, a place that combines my tenacious retention skills with what everyone (except maybe miss em and ains, who ask for more baby dolls and nicer brothers) prays for at night (= world peace, der): www.freerice.com it is a nfp site that donates grains of rice to third-world countries based on how many words you define correctly. (don't worry too much; it's multiple choice.) i am so glad i have read books like the tail of emily windsnap...
kraken = sea monster
...dave barry and ridley pearson's peter and the starcatchers...
umbra = shadow
...and taking years upon years of spanish...
amative = loveable
...and reading this gal's blog...
omphaloskepsis = navel-gazing or as dictionary.com says
om·pha·lo·skep·sis /ˌɒmfəloʊˈskɛpsɪs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[om-fuh-loh-skep-sis] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA
Pronunciation –noun contemplation of one's navel as part of a mystical exercise.
(that last one was by far my very extreme favorite, and i plan to use it as often as possible in casual conversation even if it holds no relevance.)
anyway, go.
expand your vocabulary.
donate rice to hungry children.
be a better person today than you were yesterday.
and have fun while doing it.

the picture is of a fraction of the rice i donated tonight (in just 20 minutes); 2500 grains. sad to think that that isn't even a full portion for one adult (according to http://williambrookes.ethink.org.uk/2008/03/20/rice-the-final-frontier/). i think i've found a new meritorious (= worthwhile) hobby.

i'm it!

all thanks to amy lynn wall johnson. whelp. here goes it...
A-attached or single: attached
B-best friend: mor
C-cake or pie: chocolate cake with no icing hot out of the oven
D-day of choice: a day off work
E-essential item: wedding ring
F-favorite color: blue or green
G-gummi bears or worms: neither, chocolate please
H-hometown: muncie, in
I-indulgence(s): silkshakes (a la cooperdo)
J-january or july: july = real suntans
K-kids: someday and i think we'll name one jasper and one hadley
L-life is incomplete without: the gospel and mor (and penny)
M-marriage date: aug 10
N-number of siblings: 2, may and e
O-oranges or apples: apples, applesauce, apple juice
P-phobias or fears: phobias: birds, open water; fears: that maybe i can't have kids of my own
Q-quote(s): "Blessed are those who need no reasons other than their love for the Savior to keep his commandments." - james e faust
R-reason to smile: we're going home next month!!!
S-season: spring flowers and summer sunshine
T-tag five: no thanks
U-unknown fact about me: i cry every time i leave my family
V-vegetarian or oppressor of animals: i eats what i eats
W-worst habit: not answering my phone or listening to messages until days later
X-xrays or ultrasounds: depends on which i need
Y-your favorite food: entenmann's chocolate donuts (have i not mentioned this enough yet?)
Z-zodiac: aries

lucky #102

i would like to take this opportunity to share with everyone that, whilst dining on lovely fish tacos tonight with my beloved, we were witnesses to one of the worst fashion blunders since coolots and hightops: the jort made an appearance at magleby's fresh. can you even believe it?! jorts? and not only were they jorts, they were diesel brand jorts. i know what you're thinking (a) what are jorts? and (b) diesel makes whatever jorts are? here are your answers to (a) jorts are the unthinkable combination/contraction of jeans and shorts and (b) yes, diesel does make them. i found this picture hot off the press and runway for diesel's latest 2008 spring fashion show...

love the combo, gay jorter. the jean jacket paired with the jort really makes a statement. nobody thinks you like other boys, i promise.
this next picture is more how we everyday-sort-of-folk experience the jort in action...

way to go, picnic jorter. is there some perrier you have in that cooler of yours? or maybe just your dignity and fashion sense?
in closing i would like to thank mtv's "next" for giving us this clever term. here's to you, "next" guys who didn't win the date but won my heart with your jort antics. here here!

mouthwatering and covetous

i don't even know what i was doing when i stumbled upon this home library, but i was immediately and intensely drooling and jealous. and just think, this is only one wall of the library...

top five - take 1

the 5 things i cannot walk by in the (grocery/dept/whatever) store and not buy:
5. anything to do with paint - rollers, scrapers, edgers etc; who knew i was a sucker for the home depot?
4. entenmann's chocolate donuts - i am my mother's daughter
3. any new/on sale treat - there's a new flavor of potato chips? i have to try it! the sandies are on sale, a whole quarter off the regular price? what a bargain! i'll take two pkgs! (i would like to say that i wouldn't have discovered many of my favorite treats if not for this; eg pomegranate 7up, dark chocolate and mint 3 musketeers)
2. movies - in the last week i've bought "101 dalmatians," "dan in real life," "nancy drew," "enchanted" and "the babysitter's club" (yes, the one with schuyler fisk and rachel leigh cook's bowl-cut bob 'do) and they are all snug in their alphabetical spot in the cabinet
1. books - mor has struck a compromise with me on this one: he will spend countless hours in the magazine section at borders so that i can take in all the books i want without actually having to spend money on them (except the ones i "cannot live without," which usually is about half of the ones i "need"); when he isn't with me and i'm left to my own devices, i come home with a minimum of two books each time; i'll drive us to the poorhouse yet, but at least we'll be the best-read tenants there!

ps notice how clothing didn't make it anywhere near the list? not that i don't enjoy dressing myself in the latest trends (which in this case means "whatever is on sale at gap"), but i think money is better spent on other things (which in this case means "not clothes").

penny's second language

we found out today (through many yawns and yelps) that our little frendango speaks whale. fluently. amazing, i know.
she also stinks like pond scum. or worse...

oh honey, you baked

that's right. i did. and not just a boxed cake mix or stouffer's lasagna (both of which are things i lurrrve). i baked--are you ready for this?--gingersnaps. a secret recipe i kiped from a pt who brought these wonderfully delicious treats on her first appt with the good dr. (i squeezed her into a spot that i perhaps shouldn't have; but then, you see i can do those sorts of things because squeezing people into unsqueezable spots is what i do.) it was a token of her appreciation for my squeeze-into-ableness. now, i have never been a fan of the snaps. always thought they smelled yummy and were pretty with their sugary coats. i just never enjoyed their cinnamony goodness.
until frannie* came along.
she introduced me to the most fantastical holiday treat since fruitcake. her white chocolate-dipped morsels were so soft and moist. it made me want to leave work immediately, pick up an entire gallon of 2% milk, snuggle in by the roaring duraflame fire, pop in "white christmas" and eat my family's weight in the snaps. (needless to say i had to settle for three cookies chased down by what was left of my mtn dew**; her appt was at 2p, so there wasn't much. but my mouth didn't care. it just wanted more. more of those scrumptulescent, palatable, delectable delicacies.) i salvaged the few i could for the hubs (those lady-fiends i work with subtly accused me of "stealing") and i haven't heard the end from him since.

hubs: does frannie have another appt coming up?
moi: i can't tell you that.
hubs: well...then...should i be expecting any more snaps anytime soon?
moi: -exasperated sigh-

hubs: i could really go for a couple [dozen] of those snaps right about now.
moi: i'm sure you could. doesn't smart cookie have any?
hubs: no. they consider the snaps "seasonal." stupid smart cookie.
moi: it is february, mor. the snaps aren't really a valentine treat.
hubs: -disgusted sigh- they SHOULD be.

so, in attempts to quell the bellyaching (literally and figuratively), i baked. i baked six dozen white chocolate-dipped gingersnaps*** today. it's a good thing i wasn't spread thin on commitments since it took me for.ev.er to measure, mix, roll, bake, cool and dip them dang snaps. now the question is...
what am i going to do with the four dozen that aren't in my tummy?

*names have been changed to protect my job
**this was before my mtn dew-less existence
***okay okay i only dipped a dozen--it was just too tedious--and the white chocolate was dyed green in honor of st patty's tomorrow

what's in a name?

as some of you may know, i am obsessed with names: why people choose them; why some are spelled differently (ahem, thank you mom and dad); why some parents think their child needs more than two of them etc. i found this amazing website that exposes celebrities' real names. here are my favorites...
frederick austerlitz = fred astaire
truman streckfus persons = truman capote
cornelius crane chase = chevy chase (corny doesn't always equal funny)
bernard schwartz = tony bennett
amanda lee rogers = portia de rossi (even though ellen wants a-man-da...hehehe)
dennis schlacta maywood = big dave's man-crush revealed!
archibald leach = cary grant
arnold george dorsey = engelbert humperdinck (maybe you were better off before, buddy)
reginald kenneth dwight = elton john
todd jones = james earl jones (can you just picture "todd, i am your father"?)
wladziu lee valentino = liberace
ralph lipschitz = ralph lauren
eleanor gow = elle macpherson
brian hugh warner = marilyn manson (no self-respecting brian would wear fake breasts)
chalm witz = gene simmons
carlos ray = chuck norris
mor and i look forward to the day when we have our own little archibald wladziu cornelius bernard hawley.

the truth sucks

those dumb truth ad campaigns. ugh. i hate them. are we really still blaming big tobacky execs on people dying from smoking? really? isn't there an obvious surgeon general warning on each and every stinking pack of smokes? i love that the truth has added little dancing/singing skits into their retarded commercials now too. it doesn't make your point any more valid by making a ridiculous musical production of it all. if anything, it makes me hate you that. much. worse. okay. my mini-soapbox is over.
for now.

oh the irony

how come the crummiest places to live have the most superlative (is that bad grammar?) names? por ejemplo: i drove by a neighborhood today aptly named paradise park. i don't even think it can really be referred to as a neighborhood, unless...are trailer parks neighborhoods? i just don't think so.

ps is anyone else excited for "the hills" to gear back up? because this girl is!

tick tock tick tock

how did we miss that today was daylight savings?

babies, babies everywhere

congratulations to this girl for incubating a boy. and many congratulations to this girl for incubating another niece or nephew!!!

productivity level: moderate

now if you were to walk in my house right now, you would question where my productivity can be found. it certainly is not in the front room (piled high with loads of dirty laundry) or in the bedroom (piled high with loads of clean laundry) or in the bathroom (piled high with dirty AND clean laundry). that's right, friends, i'm basing today's productivity level on, well, not a whole lot. have a looksee for yourself...
7:45a - wake up of own volition (to my radio alarm which was mistakenly pushed to "on")
8a - pop into the bakery to pick out a treat: one for me and one for mor
8:15a - fill up the hun's tank (and simultaneously drain my bank acct of almost $40!)
8:35a - surprise husband with aforementioned treat whilst he played with a ginormous version of penny at work (a monstrously large and shaggy labradoodle named maddie, who belongs to one of mor's coworkers)
8:55a - park the hun outside of kohl's and enjoy the rather long walk from the parking lot to the store (mostly due to our 60degree weather...hurrah!)
9a-9:40a - take part in kohl's early-bird specials (namely frames for the hallway and under the long horizontal window and the bathroom, and also a cool-touch griddle just because)
9:45a - hate old navy's lack of spring collection (blousy tube tops, really?)
9:48-10:10a - scour the sale racks of target in search of a cute new skirt or shirt or bag or...
10:30a - rummage through stacks of craft paper at what morgan calls "the pimp" (aka pebbles in my pocket)
11a - pull in driveway at home, distraught that the weather is taking a turn for the worse
11:02a - take our penelope out to potty; discover yellow patches on lawn from potty breaks
11:25a - beautify myself with uva/uvb rays
11:39a - realize i've missed emily's baptism (am horrible cousin; this brings down productivity level significantly)
11:45a-12n - attend super sale at rc willey clearance center, partake of dixie cup of flat coke
12n - drive across parking lot to grocery, where i pick up some lunch stuff (sun-dried tomato turkey, rolls, bread, minute maid pomegranate lemonade)
12:30p - return home, whip up sandwich, actually sit at table and eat (with jack's in between dreams serving as background music), shovel handfuls of cheerios into penny's gaping jaws
12:55p - begin crafty bathroom project involving white frames from kohl's and paper, stickers and buttons from the pimp (pictures to follow*), hang final product in bathroom (after maneuvering around piles of clean/dirty laundry)
1:25p - clean up paper scraps, super glue, sticker pages, etc
1:27p - replace knob on bathroom mirror with one a little more fun
1:35p - enjoy big glass of new lemonade (delicious and healthy too) on the couch with my stinky dog
2p - contemplate doing laundry at about the same time downstairs neighbors decide to take action on my contemplation
2:03p - take pennoopaloop to potty; am again distressed with spotty yard and big dog dump not there previously
2:07p - wonder why my husband has to work on my days off (ie weekends)
2:09p - start nodding off because giada's "simply italian" is a rerun
2:27p - begin this post
2:30-8p - day turns to blur
8:37 - finally finish post
end rate of productivity level: disastrously low
8:40p - am depressed, drown self-pity with two entenmann's chocolate donuts, miraculously boosting self-esteem and blood sugar
new end rate of productivity level: who the heck cares?! it's saturday.

*except that blogger hates my guts right now. perhaps later it will be my friend again...?