the american dream

we're living it vicariously through chad and anthony, venus and toya. that's right, folks, we're watching the brand spankin' new "american gladiators." too bad the gladiators are not nearly as cool as they used to be: where are ice and nitro and turbo and storm? instead we have wolf (who, according to wikipedia goes by "hollywood" in real life, and also wears WAY too much eyeliner) and titan (who looks like a ginormous fag) and stealth (who doesn't participate at all in the inaugural episode)...? the only two new gladiators worthy of their title are hellga (with two 'l's, uh-huh) and fury (who is reminiscent of the old school gladiators, with her on-top-of-the-head ponytail and massive thighs). and, as much as i hate to sellout the hulk, i miss the old commentator, mike whatever his name was. but, no matter how much i long for how things used to be, if the eliminator is around at the end, i won't be disappointed.